Well baby, you're already in that cage...

It's important not to take life too seriously.  Though sometimes, you need to take a few steps back and ask yourself, am I not being serious enough?  Being young, wild, and free are all good things for a girl who just moved to a new city in all her single-self-glory.  But is being free really free, or am I locking myself in a cell of lonely?  Whenever I meet somebody that has the potential to be someone important in my life, I put up so many walls around myself.  There's the "I'm single, I don't have real relationships" wall, the "I don't like you, even if I really do" wall, the "I won't let myself give in because I don't want to get hurt" wall, the "I'm too young to take things seriously" wall, and the infamous "what if I meet somebody better" wall.  It's a pentagon almost as secure as The Pentagon.  The list of people that have cracked those walls is very short, but I think I'm starting to learn that if I don't break one down every so often, I may never find that person that is supposed to knock down all the walls and be in my life for all the right reasons.  So here's the big question.  Why do I put up these walls in the first place?  I've had my fair share of bad luck in relationships... whether they're actual boyfriend-girlfriend relationships or un-established situations, for lack of a better term.  So, I guess I put these walls up to protect myself, to make my own luck, and to avoid caring about something, anything, that could cause me pain in the end.

Now I'm living in a new city, meeting new people, and getting the opportunity to start on a new journey for myself.  I am letting this adventure called Life create its own heading and sale away.  I am still young, I am still pretty wild, and I will always be free, but free now has a new definition.  Letting myself care about something, acknowledging that it's happening, and giving in to adventure are all aspects of being free now.  Instead of being "free" and locking myself behind Berlin walls of emotional connection, I will be free and live outside the Iron Curtain I created for myself.  You can't be happy for the rest of your life if you don't make a few mistakes along the way.  You can't run if you don't walk first, or if you don't trip and scrape your knee a couple of times.  I didn't agree with this when she said it, but I think I agree fully now.  My sister said she'd rather get hurt one hundred times before finding someone who never hurts her again, rather than living her life without pain, but also without love.  So I guess for now I'm ready to let life happen, and if I get hurt I'll move on.  Everything always works out in the end, and if things aren't working out, then it's not the end.  I'm done living in the cage I put myself in, and I'm ready to enjoy the best things this great big world as to offer me.